When giving testimonies of experiences with God, it is not uncommon for people to talk about “the day” something happened. People may say something like, “I remember the day I was saved” or “I remember the day God changed my life.” These testimonies of immediate transformation are encouraging because it reinforces our conversion-centered orientation of Christianity.

Since salvation can be accepted in a moment, it often becomes problematic when the same expectation is expressed for the experience of baptism in the Holy Spirit. Christians in the Pentecostal-Charismatic tradition believe that the Holy Spirit lives inside of us when we accept the gift of salvation. But we also believe that the Holy Spirit can also come upon us, mirroring the Pentecost experience in Acts 2, and we can be empowered by the Spirit and speak in tongues, a language of the Spirit that is a sign of the Spirit’s presence.

Some people in Spirit-filled churches testify that this too is an immediate experience, like salvation. It is not uncommon to hear stories of people who came to the altar ready to be filled with the Spirit and within moments, they received. But more often than not, the journey to the baptism in the Spirit is a more of a process, one filled with multiple occasions of seeking and prayer by others, many times leaving without feeling any closer to being filled. That was my experience.

Tarrying for the Spirit

The fact that Spirit-baptism is often a process-oriented experience is revealed by the Pentecostal concept of “tarrying,” a practice of “waiting” on the coming of the Spirit (like the Apostles before the day of Pentecost). Previously, I published a study of tarrying testimonies in the Azusa Street Mission paper, The Apostolic Faith. I had assumed that people who visited revival sites, like the Azusa Street Mission, would find it easier (and quicker) to receive the Pentecostal experience.

However, what I found recorded among the hundreds of testimonies in the Apostolic Faith was quite surprising. Though for early Pentecostals, 77% received in less than a week of seeking (albeit most sought daily for that week), the other 23% had to tarry even longer and 10% waited three weeks or more. Some even waited a year. Even in this time of remarkable spiritual renewal at this historic revival, Spirit-baptism took time.

My Year of Seeking

I did not grow up Pentecostal. I came to Christ at 19 and found myself at an Assemblies of God church that was in a time of special revival when manifestations of the Spirit were evident. I am not totally sure anyone taught me about the baptism in the Spirit in any formal way, but I knew I had read the Book of Acts and what I saw the Spirit doing at church was real. I wanted to be filled with the Spirit. I wanted to speak in tongues.

I don’t remember very well all of the particulars of that era of my new Christian life. But I remember experiencing frustration on multiple occasions when I responded to altar calls to be filled with the Spirit only to walk away having sensed God’s presence but never being convinced that I had experienced what I was looking for. I knew I was not yet filled with the Spirit.

Over the next year, I continued to seek God, both in church services and in my personal devotional time. I remember I would often come home from working late and spend time reading my Bible and asking God’s presence to come on me. One time, he showed up in a powerful way and I could feel his weight on me. But I didn’t speak in tongues or even feel prompted to. There were other times similar to this, but I was never filled. So I waited. And waited.

Finally, My Day Came

After months and months of seeking off and on, I had been a particularly encouraging evening service at church. That night, lying in bed, I told God, “God, I know you want me to have this. I don’t know how to do this. I can’t do it on my own. But whatever you have for me, I will take it.”

After that simple prayer, I began to slowly breath in and slowly breath out, resting in God’s grace and open to whatever he had. With no goose bumps, no powerful feelings or manifestations, when I breathed out I felt my voice trying to express something. By faith I just spoke, but in a tiny whisper. I quietly allowed myself to release what God was trying to pray through me. It was simple but beautiful. The Spirit of God, whom I had sought for so long, was telling me he was always there.

At that moment, when I released it all to him, he released from inside of me his voice, his language, and his presence. I don’t remember how long I lay there. I don’t think I said much, just a few sounds or words, but I know it was the beginning of letting the Spirit pray through me.

I don’t remember what day it happened. But I know it was that year that I was filled with the Holy Spirit. Even though all those moments of seeking and services had often left me disappointed, they were all steps toward God’s plan for me. I remember those experiences of prayer, of waiting, and of feeling his presence.

That began a process of walking in his Spirit in deeper ways. As I grew as a Christian, there were times I neglected the gift God gave me. The thing I had sought for so long somehow became unimportant. I somehow believed that I could live in my own power, rather than the Spirit’s power. But some years ago, in the midst of walking out God’s calling on my life, I went to a deeper place in God by prioritizing praying in the Spirit in my daily life. It has made all the difference. The video below tells more of my story.

If you are seeking the baptism in the Holy Spirit, I hope to encourage you with my story. My path to Spirit-baptism was at least a year process. I had ups and downs. I got discouraged. I wondered what was wrong with me. But God was in that process. He was with me and eventually I was ready and he filled me up as I had longed for all along. God is faithful. He loves you and loves to “give good gifts to his children.” I am confident that those who wait on him and continue to make space to seeking will find what they are looking for. It may not be in a day. It may be a year. But don’t give up.